Ok, I’m a fan of the Trilogy. And I kick it old school, so I am speaking of the original and only trilogy: Star Wars.
Since I’m also a fan of running, and more specifically the marathon, it seems only fair to introduce the two. I’ve always thought that having a Star Wars themed event would be an instant hit. The mile markers would be parsecs (1 mile = 5.2155242 × 10-14 Parsecs), medals could be tiny lightsabers or characters. A R2D2 medal would be sweet, or take it to a fanboy level, the same medal that was handed out at the end of Episode IV… but that’s another post entirely and I’m getting off subject.
This one is dedicated to how the Star Wars characters would do in a marathon. Here is the context:
- The characters are running (Han Solo), not the actors (Harrison Ford).
- The race is open to all species — droids are allowed to enter, but judged in their own race division.
- The runners cannot use powers or aids to give them an advantage over other runners. (Darth Vadar cannot choke grab other runners as he passes them, but his cape is allowed.)
- Each runner is gaged based on the episode as a separate race. Meaning Luke Skywalker from Episode VI would have a faster finish time than Luke Skywalker of Episode IV since he towards the end of his Jedi training and stronger physically and mentally (Yep, I just wrote that into the rules).
- This post will only discuss some of the characters from Episode IV. Future posts planned.
Episode IV: A New Hope
A long time ago… in a galaxy (race) far, far away
Being raised on a desert planet, we can assume that Luke is comfortable in the heat. That’s always a plus. He’s in good shape and young, also good factors. But the key to Luke’s race day success may be his dreams of achieving something bigger and greater than his current situation. Motivation and determination can do a lot for a runner in the later miles, and this is where Luke will dig deep and finish the race strong.
Bonus Factor: Luke may be over-ambitious and go out too fast in the early miles. If so, look for him to remember Obi Wan’s teaching’s about the Force. Although Luke can’t use the force to run faster, it may be enough of a reminder for him to clear his mind and take one mile at a time.
Han doesn’t appear to be a “training” kind-of-guy, so this may be his downfall. He has a little swagger to him, complete with an open-shirt and vest on race day. He’ll be at the start line over-confident and is likely to crash and burn mid-race. Although Han has the machismo-confidence to talk a good game, going the full distance may be tough on him. His pride might carry him to the finish line, but it isn’t a 100% bet.
Bonus Factor: If Han finds himself on the verge of not being able to go the whole distance, look for him at the post-race beer-garden cantina. He’ll have his feet up, a tasty beverage and a snarky comment about running being over-rated. He may come off a bit rough, but he’s likely to buy the next round of post-race recovery drinks for his friends.
As a leader of the Rebel Alliance, we can assume she has some fight in her. She may be the runner that curses at her self to get her legs moving in the later miles. She’s a toss up come race day. Her feisty attitude has the strength to get her to the finish line, but she may lose valuable seconds yelling at a water-volunteer for not properly handing her a cup and getting her shoes wet.
Bonus Factor: With her home planet Alderaan being destroyed, she may have that extra edge of motivation to run a strong race. Don’t underestimate her, she has the determination to win the whole damn thing.
Don’t let Obi-Wan’s age let you think that he won’t run a strong race. He’s fully capable of rocking the old-man shuffle the full distance. He won’t have a really fast pace, but he’ll be consistent and unlikely to take any walk breaks. His splits should be right within a few seconds of each other and will pass anyone that bonks out early.
Bonus Factor: His cloak may slow him down a bit adding extra weight to his arm movements. He wont finish first and won’t finish last, but his beard will be impeccable. Look for him to offer helpful words of advice and wisdom to struggling runners as he passes by them.
Darth is a tall dude, so factor in a long stride into his pace. He’ll have extra weight come race day with a helmet and cape, but he will be an intimidating factor at the start line. His breathing may be an issue as the race progresses, but he’s not one to give up.
Bonus Factor: Getting passed by the Dark Lord of the Sith is going to wreck havoc on the confidence of other racers. Darth Vader is an imposing physical force, but dont look for him to be too quick or to weave in and out of runners. Straight lines and a consistent pace get Darth to the finish line.
To keep this post some-what decent in length, I won’t dive into R2D2, C-3PO, and Chewbacca (yet). But would love to hear your thoughts on them (or others listed above) in the comments. A post about side characters (Stormtroopers, Greedo, Jawas) would also be nerdy fun. Enjoy.
Who do you think would finish first in the Star Wars Marathon?