The One Where I Register For @THESFMARATHON

The One Where I Register For @THESFMARATHON

 

I’ve written and re-written this post so many times. It has been all I have thought about since the list of 2013 San Francisco Marathon Ambassadors was announced.

  • A version where I vow to come back stronger.
  • An angry version where I hold nothing back.
  • A version where I try to pretend that it really meant nothing to me.
  • A version where I have only myself to blame for placing such value in some sort of “recognition.”

The latter is probably the most accurate description of where I am at. Somehow I have allowed this title, or lack of, to describe my identity, both online and in real life. It has left me wondering why I spend hours on the computer, tweeting, sharing, taking photos, encouraging others to chase their dreams and goals… doing all of these things when I can’t even serve as a figure for a race in my own city. The city that taught me how to fall in love with running.

I’m struggling with it.


I understand that I am blessed in my life. I’m healthy, have a wonderful family, amazing friends and the ability and passion to run. Please forgive me for lamenting that my name was left off a list.

I want to thank everyone that reached out to me showing their support, frustration, confusion, and sharing their thoughts and prayers. I’ll thank each of you individually.

This is my attempt to move on. To power through and just keep moving forward. It still hurts. Not as much as it did yesterday, but it’s still there. Wifey still sees it in my eyes. She knows I try to pretend like it doesn’t bother me.

The best way I can describe it is that it has crushed my spirit.

That being said. I am registering for the 2013 San Francisco Marathon. There will be no joy in this registration. It doesn’t feel the same. The excitement isn’t there. I wanted 2013 to be the year I ran my best time. The year I finally overcame all the obstacles that have plagued me the last 3 times I’ve run the event, either being injured before or during. I wanted to serve as an ambassador… as a symbol of resilience, encouragement, inspiration… as a true example of reaching the finish line with determination and endurance. Not being the fastest runner, but the runner that cheers people on before, during and after the race.

I wanted to run with the confidence that not only do I BELIEVE in my ability as a runner and motivator, but the backing of the race. The backing of a race in my home city that says “This guy. This guy is good enough to lead you to the start and across the finish line.”

But it wasn’t meant to be. It may never be.

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31 Comments

  1. When you pour your heart and soul into something you hope for a little recognition. You ARE a running ambassador to so many people throughout the country (world?). Thank you for being a great motivator to all!

    Reply
  2. and you are SO MUCH MORE than a great running ambassador.
    honestly youre a role model for me and many as to how to behave on and off the racing ‘moment.’
    I hope we can all help mend your spirit.

    Reply
  3. It is very disappointing when you want something as bad as you wanted to be one of the Ambassadors. However, you can show them what they missed, show them that you are enthusiastic and motivated, I have read your blog and subscribe to it, I know you are! Get back to being your positive self and write as if you were selected, but now you can be completely honest and not have anyone saying oh you can’t say that. Write about the SF Marathon your way and be the great Ambassador for SF and the marathon that you will be running in. Most of all have fun with it. Keep smiling and good things will happen.

    Reply
  4. You motivate me, honestly, I find you very inspirational and enjoy following your running journey and am excited to continue following it. You inspire me to get out there and keep going. And if I feel this way, I imagine there are many, many others that do, I just hope you know that!

    Reply
  5. I wish I had the right words to say. I know a similar heartache and we’re here to lift your spirit. You ARE so much more than a running ambassador…you are YOU. You inspire the way you live your everyday life.

    Reply
  6. In my mind, you’ve already done what an ambassador does and more. You’ve shared your love of a city, of a sport, and a race. When I think of San Francisco running, I think of you.

    Reply
    • What MZ said. I love following along on your runs, and the beautiful pictures you always take.

      Honestly, keep doing what you’re doing. A title shouldn’t stop you, IMO.

      Reply
    • Could not have said it better! I have learnemost much about SF in the last year from reading your blog…You may not be a SF marathon ambassador but you are a SF ambassador in my opinion.

      Reply
  7. When you want something that badly, of course it hurts. It has to hurt in a way. I know what I say won’t make that go away but I’m going to say it anyway. While the official people of the SF Marathon may not have included you on a list, I can’t think of anyone who better symbolizes and epitomizes both SF and the love and spirit of being a runner. You are an ambassador of RUNNING, not just the SF marathon. You have helped people cross the finish line of so many different races, not just that one race, you know?

    Reply
    • I couldn’t agree with this statement more:
      “You are an ambassador of RUNNING.”

      Please know that I personally am inspired by you everyday and it is your intense pride of SF that motivated me to come out and see it with my own eyes. Hope to see you there :)

      Reply
  8. You amaze and inspire me with every mile you put on record! I’m always like, oh my FUreakin’ goodness this guy rocks!

    You will come out stronger. I know. Running is your superpower! :)

    Reply
  9. I may not comment on every post, but you inspire me! I see your love of running and it makes me want to be a better runner. You also carry such a love for San Francisco that it makes me miss the Bay Area everyday. I’m glad you registered for the marathon & I hope you kick some major bootie! :)

    Reply
  10. I thought for sure you would make it because I know that you live, run, and breathe SF. But having the title of Ambassador for the race isn’t everything. As long as you know who you are as a person, as a runner, that’s all that matters regardless of the shirt or the recognition. Wind beneath my wings is what you are! ;)

    Reply
  11. Even though you may not officially be bringing people across the start and finish line at this one marathon you will definitely be helping people achieve their goals long after the 2013 SF marathon is done – myself included. I’ll be running my first marathon in May 2013 and you can bet your running shoe collection that ill be drawing inspiration from you!

    Reply
  12. It’s hurts when things don’t end up the way we want it to. Know in your heart that you inspire people like me to get out and run!!

    Reply
  13. Angela & Amanda hit the nail on the head. I absolutely think of you as an ambassador for not only running but the city of SF as well. I wish I had found your blog before I visited b/c I would have picked your brain about the best places to run. All your posts that feature pics make me want to go back.
    I think you serve as an inspiration to pretty much everyone that reads your blog, even seasoned old hats like myself. I know that’s why I keep coming back.
    Keep your chin up, keep doing what you do and know that we all think you’re amazing. :)

    Reply
  14. You have inspired me so much in the last year and believe me I wish you had been picked. I never thought you wouldn’t be, and I was worried (shocked) when I saw the list and your tweet. Don’t ever think you aren’t inspiring, you are an ambassador for running even without an ‘official’ title.

    Reply
  15. I have to agree with the above. As a new marathon runner, your encouragement was instrumental in getting me out there for my first race, “ambassador” or not. Thanks for running with me and for writing about your running!

    Reply
  16. Man…I wish I knew the most perfect words to say to you. All I know is that with as much skill as you possess, you don’t use it to bring others down. The only time I’ve personally encountered negativity toward who I am/what I do as a runner is by someone who has run race upon race upon Ironman upon Ironman. You, my friend, use your skills and your knowledge and your PASSION for running to lift others up. You don’t need to sport the title “ambassador” to do all of the above. You never needed it. Instead, before you even put your name out there for it, you were, figuratively, an ambassador. Not just for the SF marathon…but for RUNNING. The whole bit. Not just one race. You use your passion for this sport for far more than what you’d be expected to do as an ambassador.

    I don’t see it as you putting too much recognition on a title. I see it as you wanting to have just one more platform through which you’d provide, again, all of the above that you already do.

    I think it’s a great thing that you still signed up for the race. You’re not doing it to prove anything. You’re not giving up on it just because. You’re keeping on…and when the anger, upset, disappointment wears down, you’ll be focused on what you originally wanted from this race.

    I might not always tweet you, comment, or whatnot, but you, man, are someone I look up to as a runner. You possess skills I can only dream of chasing down and gaining.

    Sorry for the novel. lol I tend to do that.

    Reply
  17. Keep on…you got your friends behind you 100% – ambassador or not….you are always one of us.

    Reply
  18. You are one of the most delightful media personalities that I have ever come across. Ever. You are larger than life, inspiring as all hell, funny as anything – and not afraid to poke fun of yourself, and the cheerleader we all need.

    I am so sorry that you did not make it to Ambassador, because clearly, you wanted this – but I think bigger things are coming for you, Brian. Local SF talk show host perhaps? I’m all over that one!

    Reply
  19. You are definitely an ambassador for running….and for the whole country/continent/world. I am one of an amazing amount of people that get inspired by you, amused by you & work harder because of you. Not to mention the fact that your obvious love for your city & photos you post make me want to visit SF even more than I did before. I imagine someone in that decision making group will end up kicking themselves for not choosing you. Probably all of them. I know you will get past this. I’m sorry for your disappointment. It sucks. But hopefully you will get past it quickly. Their loss.

    Reply
  20. I started following you because I visit the bay area quite a bit for work, through instagram you show me the city I always want to be running in instead of being stuck in Marin. Through your tweets you show an enthusiasm, knowledge and humor that inspires and engages a lot of us. It’s a huge disappointment that you weren’t chosen, but know that, even though I’m sure a lot of us don’t say it often, you help many people put on our shoes and get out the door. Thanks for not giving up, I’m counting on you for a race report that will make me cheer from my seat and inspire me to do better each time I hit the pavement.

    Reply
  21. Rock it out and come back strong!

    Reply
  22. You know that you deserve the recognition. You are an inspiration to the running community in San Francisco and the rest of the country. Your blog, your social media presence, it inspires and motivates runners of all experience levels.

    You reached out to me when I was still a relatively new runner, training for my first, super slow half… And you do this with everyone. Because you have heart. You run with your heart.

    That means so much more than any title. Even though I know it doesn’t feel that way now.
    It speaks volumes that you’re still going to go out there and give that race all you’ve got.

    Great things are on the horizon.

    Reply
  23. I have to echo what everyone else is saying, because I truly believe it, you are THE ambassador to running. There are great runners who blog out there, but I have never met one who reached out to other runners, new or old, fast or slow, quite like you. You are a rare breed.

    It’s okay to feel hurt and to let those emotions out, it’s who you are, and those people who you are constantly supporting. We will all be here to support you.

    You are going to rock SF no matter what!

    Reply
  24. Give that same energy and passion no matter what. I feel for you that you didn’t get the ambassador spot. We all know you deserved it and can’t understand why it didn’t work out…BUT you go after this race strong and still give it that passion you have. I feel for you about this disappointment…but I also believe in you and that you can still make this an incredible dream worth going after.

    Reply
  25. i really admire the way you’ve been so open and honest about all of this.. it’s not something every blogger would do, as it’s easier to just gloss over a letdown rather than publicly talk about your true feelings.

    put all that energy into your training and let it fuel you to the finish line. i know you’ll rock it.

    Reply
  26. Oh friend…. you are the ambassador of ALL ambassadors in my book. You’re a VIP ambassador. Sometimes things just don’t make sense, but then down the road when brilliance happens it all comes together. Maybe I should register too. We can be our own ambassadors.

    Reply

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